Updated: May 21
Smacking the Wall
Photo by the Author
I’m six weeks into my new venture of writing for Medium.
This post will be #28 in 43 days.
I have 31 followers, with only a few new ones who’ve followed me after reading one of my posts. The others are friends and family.
I was given the wise advice that this will take time. I’m all in, best as I can be.
To be honest, it’s been difficult to keep writing.
Today was an absurd day. I could write an 18,000-word essay about the dysfunctional bureaucratic bullshit I dealt with, from repairing a watch to scheduling medical appointments to THINGS THAT DON’T WORK. Replace batteries in the scale and it’s not working. Turn on my air purifier and it doesn’t work.
Honestly, my entire day was spent dealing with dysfunctional systems of all kinds, utter frustration, shaking my head, wondering how the hell does ANYONE get anything done?
I don’t know what life is like for others, but I’m sure they get disconnected 3 times in a row and speak to 5 people before finding out the supervisor is the only one in today and they’ll call me back what is my number? Guaranteed to call me back, yes.
I never got the call. This one was a couple of days ago.
OK. Sorry, it’s fresh and it’s raw and it’s endless. But, it’s life on life’s terms in the 21st century.
So, what am I going to do?
Well, I show up. And in Module 3 last week of Medium Academy, we talked about developing a writing habit. I was introduced to the book “Atomic Habits,” by James Clear.
Damn. It’s good.
And it’s deeply challenging.
I’m only through the first two chapters, but it’s helping me (forcing me?) to look at myself through a new lens. I’m not thrilled about certain habits of mine, that’s for sure.
And underneath the habits, the book tells me, are beliefs about who I am.
I got out of bed this morning without looking at my cell phone. That’s a change.
I took a real lunch break during my day.
I believe that making small changes on a continuing basis will add up to big changes.
And that focusing on goals and results will not be as effective as focusing on process, habit, and repetition.
Behavioral changes can lead to core belief changes. I know that from being sober for a few decades. The core belief in my value and appreciation for the gift of life is a 180 from where I was.
But the digging never stops. The onion is never fully peeled away. Layer by layer it’s peeled away, and brick by brick a new foundation is built.
I’m happy for this challenge. And that is exactly what it is. A big, rambling, kick-me-in-the-ass challenge.